I remember the day that changed my life. It was the Wednesday after the mid-term elections and the Republicans had just won enough seats to gain control of the Senate. I went to the Judgement Free Zone as I do most mornings and hopped on a bike to work up a sweat.The channel was set to Fox News and I was watching the joint press conference with John Boehner, (Speaker of the House) and Mitch McConnell, (newly re-elected Senator from Kentucky.) The more I watched, the angrier I got. Then it hit me like a thunderbolt. I had just come up with a brand new, sure fire fat burning fitness routine. Here’s my story:
About Steve E. Reno Creator of FN90X®
I
used to go the gym in the morning and watch Ellen, ESPN sports and (liberal) network
news. I found myself hitting a plateau in my workout routine. I was too content
with good-natured lesbian sarcasm, insightful sports analysis and factual
reporting of the news and I’d find myself leaving full of endorphins and a
false sense of well being. Then one day, I forced myself to watch Fox News for an hour and before long my
heart rate had increased to my fat burning, target level and I found myself
screaming at the TV. I was gripping the handles of my stationary bike so
tightly that my muscles were aching. I was feeling the burn all right! I was
pissed and I could feel my body tensing up so much that no fat cells wanted any
part of me. I decided right then and there that I had tapped into something
special and that I needed to share my secret of fat burning stress relief with
others. Read about the latest result oriented program
that is going to revolutionize the fitness industry.
FN90X® Workout- (Patented Fox News 90 X weight loss program.) Go from fat and
happy to thin and certifiably insane in just 90 days! Most people see results
in 30 days but if you want to turn into a complete lunatic, go for the advanced
90-day work out plan. Order FN90I – Fox News 90 I (for INSANITY) with
introduction by SeanT.
Warning: Though no anabolic steroids are involved,
similar side effects like flying into rages and suffering from delusions have
been reported. Ask your doctor if
you’re healthy enough for sudden increases in blood pressure and sane enough
for extreme outrage.
HOW FN90X®
WORKS: THE SCIENCE OF RATIONAL BRAIN CONFUSION™
Here's the true secret of how FN90X® works: Brain Confusion. FN90X® uses targeted “fair
and balanced” reporting so your mind (and waistline) keep narrowing. You'll
never "plateau"—which means your brain will never get used to the
right wing propaganda making for increased anger levels resulting in higher
blood pressure and increased caloric burn.
- Short viewing cycles constantly challenge your patience with biased and transparently partisan commentary.
- FN90X® maximizes fat burning in different ways every day. One day you’ll watch Hannity, another you’ll watch Huckabee. Every day you’ll watch something different that will get you ripping mad!
Read some of our (unsolicited) testimonials:
“It was simple yet it had a science to it with this Brain Confusion."
T. Party, Intercourse, PA
“I don’t think I’ve ever gotten angrier in my life. The pounds just melted off.”
Eileen Wright, Phoenix AZ
“After having my first child, I was watching a lot of CNN and other liberal news media and I was having a hard time getting angry enough to lose the extra baby weight. The FN90X® program made a “pit bull with lipstick” out of me in no time helping me burn the extra calories.”
Tess Tamoni, Brooklyn, NY
“After just one workout I was ready to go out and buy an assault rifle and castrate some hogs!”
Joni Makemsqueal Ernst, Des Moines, IA
Here are just a few of the workout routines that you’ll get when you buy the FN90X® fitness program:
Day one: 10 minutes of fat burning, anger inducing cardio with Fox News – America’s Newsroom. Two robots resembling a perfect American man and woman who are programmed to steer every news story to the right while managing to blame the Obama Administration for everything from extreme weather to the lack of a cure for the common cold. Follow this with loud, grunting bench pressing until you find your anger subsiding.
Day Two: A 10-minute intense core strengthening viewing session of Hannity, guaranteed to get your stomach in knots (involving all those hard to work ab muscles) with infuriating commentary on liberal Democrats and their design for a “Great Welfare State.” Follow this with 100 crunches as you count to clear your mind. Don’t forget to breathe!
Day Three: 10 minutes of The O’Reilly Factor on the treadmill that will really get your blood boiling. You won’t realize the treadmill is going as fast as it can go until you find yourself running to try to jump into the TV set to shut him up (or at least turn off the sound.) Follow this with “real” dumbbells and perform bicep curls until the pain in your arms is worse than your headache.
But wait! If you order now, we’ll also send you our “mobile app” that gives you access to some of the most outrageous, right wing radio programming on the planet. Listen to Rush, Beck and Savage while you’re out jogging and you’ll find yourself getting so worked up you’ll wind up sprinting for miles and ready to go 15 rounds with Rocky!
Our 90-Day Money Back Guarantee:
If our scientifically designed program of Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid bashing or Obamacare repeal rhetoric is not everything we promised, just return the program for a full refund.
Order now! Get Mad and Get Fit!
