Most likely to succeed......

We can’t seem to get enough of awards and award shows.  (Hopefully, my loyal readers can’t get enough of blog posts about award shows!) We have the TONYS, the EMMYS, the DAYTIME EMMYS,  the ESPYS, the GRAMMYS, the OSCARS, the GOLDEN GLOBES, the CMA’S, VMA’s  the PEOPLE’S CHOICE AWARDS, the SCREEN ACTORS GUILD AWARDS and a slew of other obscure awards.

I’d like to  propose a new award; The  Facebook Posting Awards, or the ZUCKERS.  (The statue with be a  miniature likeness of Zuckerburg and of course, it will the called the “Markie.” )

We all enjoy keeping up with the busy lives of our FB friends and family by checking in a few times a day to view and comment on the latest postings.  But there are certain posting habits that may get one banished to Facebook purgatory or get one “unfriended.”

My vision for these awards is that they resemble our high school year book awards, which were subjective,  stereotypical  and regrettable.  Here are my proposed categories and you can vote for your own deserving FB recipients. 

Most likely to:  Post a picture of every meal that they are about to eat……(and the empty plate afterward)

“I’m having the Pacific Ocean black cod, hand glazed with a Japanese tamari and honey reduction delicately balanced on a sumptuous organic pearl barley risotto with a delightful English courgette flower beignet."  “And we even had room for dessert!” 

(Damn, I'm having a PBJ for dinner.)  

Most like to:  Annoy us with a multitude of inspirational placards like;

“Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is a gift, that’s why it’s called the present” or “When one door closes another window opens.”

(The correct and often used comment is:  “Soooo Truuuue!”)

Most likely to:  Post a selfie with their posse, hefting a brew from their local watering hole…..

(Followed by a selfie while worshiping the porcelain throne at home after a night of bar hopping.) 

Most like to:  Post vacation pictures (from warm, tropical postcard worthy destinations)…

(While the rest of us are shoveling out from 8 feet of snow and freezing our collective asses off!)

Most likely to: Post a video of a cat doing something outrageous…..

“This cat enjoys bath so much that he has learned to fill the tub himself and add bubble bath, what he does at the end will leave you catatonic!”

(After all, cats DO rule the Internet.)

Most likely to:  Be the first to  post a R.I.P. message about the passing of some rock star or celebrity….

“R.I.P. Scott Clendenin – bass player for the band Death and Control Denied.” 

(The irony of this loss is not lost on me. )

Most likely to:  Post an impossible math problem to make everyone else feel like a dope……

6 ÷ 2(1+2) = ? Answer it.

(Still working on the answer and as Tony Soprano once said: 
 “I don’t got time for ‘dis sh**.” )

Most likely to:  “Over share “ and post “TMI”….

“My hubby is really suffering from those nasty hemorrhoids, poor baby. “

(Husband obviously not on Facebook and if asked would use Tony S. quote above.)

Most likely to: Post a strange optical illusion picture with the instructions, “look at this picture for 5 minutes then share when you see the image of the Virgin Mary.”

(These almost never seem to work and you’ve wasted minutes of your life that you’ll never get back.)

Most likely to: Share an obscure quiz to determine your personality type….

Take the  “What Aqua Teen Hunger Force character are you” quiz. 
See if you are Master Shake,  Meatwad or  Frylock.

(I got Master Shake.)

Most likely to:  Invite you to play an online game….

“Joe has invited you to play Candy Crush Saga" or "Jeanine has invited you to play
 Cookie Jam.”

(No offense to any of my FB gamer friends but I don’t want to play and I don’t need to know what level you’ve attained in Mafia Wars 2.)

Most likely to: Post; “Share if you think your son (or daughter) is the smartest, most wonderful person in the world.” We have all variations on this theme; uncles, aunts, nephews, nieces and second cousins.
( I’m always afraid if I don’t share, it will make me look like a bad parent, sibling or second cousin.)

Most like to: Post a cryptic, sympathy inducing message, sure to invite a bunch of concerned comments.  “Wondering if it’s all worth it…” or “Why me?!” 
(Of course, there is a term for this; it’s called “vaguebooking.” ) 

I’ll end with one final entry (and I will give the award to myself!)
Most likely to: Share a Pee Wee Herman post with the comment,
 “If you love this post, why don’t you marry it!”

Who doesn’t “like” a Pee Wee Herman post?!