What's Irish and stays out all night?

What's Irish and stays out all night?

Paddy O' Furniture!

I thought it might be a good opportunity to wish everyone a  Happy St. Patrick's Day and share with you one of my all time favorite puns. One of my favorite (guilty) pleasures in life is sharing an excellent pun or even better, executing a spontaneous pun.

Here is Rick O'Shea's definition of a "pun":
  A pun is a play on words in which a humorous effect is produced by using a word that suggests two or    more meanings or by exploiting similar sounding words having different meanings. Humorous effect created by puns depends upon the ambiguities words entail.

Example: (visual)

My mind works like this:  "a play on words."  How about a theatrical performance or musical called "Punsense- A Play On Words"?   (Not very original but used just for example.) 

Now the measure by which all the best puns are judged is what I call the "groan factor".  That can mean eye rolling, pained verbal outbursts, cringing or slightly delayed laughter. With puns, sometimes the worst are the best (or vice verse.)

There is a certain satisfaction in executing a good pun while in the checkout line at the grocery store, for example.  I feel as if I might make the grocery bagger's day just a little less monotonous if I can elicit a certain "groan factor" or even slight guffaw.  

Here's a true "grocery story":
   I had just put a bag of coffee beans through the grinder and the aroma was still wafting from the bag when the clerk rang it up.  "This smells so good", she said.  To which I replied:  "Yes, but last week I made some for my wife and she said it tasted like mud". I said to her; "that's funny, it was fresh ground this morning."
Unbelievably, the clerk had never heard this one.  It took a few seconds to register and then she burst out laughing.  What a coup and great day in "punhistory"!

Now consider puns, both intended and unintended.   "No pun intended" is especially effective when one accidentally executes a good one and realizes how unintentionally clever they were. 
One might say; "I can't find any change for the meter... this makes no sense." (which might be followed by "no pun intended.") Who was the first one to "coin" a phrase, I wonder?

Comedian, Steven Wright may just be the king of the intended pun.  Consider some of these (and imagine his deadpan delivery):

 I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.
 I spilled spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.
 You can't have everything. Where would you put it?

I have found both Facebook and e-mail to be excellent venues for interactive fun with puns.  People love to add a clever comment to a post and the intended pun can generate lots of other funny (and "punny")  comments.  My friend and I once had a "battle of the puns" via e-mail (subject was dogs).  I had to concede defeat after a string a a dozen or more e-mails back and forth.  In my final concession e-mail, I did throw him a bone with one last one, just to say I got in the last pun.

I'll leave you to your corned beef, cabbage and Guinness with some of these clever (and "cringeworthy") gems:
I couldn't figure out how to fasten my seat belt work... then it clicked.
Frog Parking Only..all others will be toad.
The girl said she knew me from the vegetarian restaurant, but I’d never met herbivore.
Two peanuts were walking down the street, one was a salted. 
No matter how much you push the envelope, it will remain stationary. 
When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion. 
A short fortune teller escaped prison... now she's a small medium at large.  
(somebody stop me... I've got a million of them!)

Thank you folks, I'm here all week.
Steve E. Reno