Funny business....

No one likes to get behind a school bus when they are late and in a hurry.  One day I was following a septic system pumping truck (at a safe distance) with fancy script lettering on the back that read:  “The Stool Bus”.  (Thankfully, it did not make any stops for pick-ups or drop-offs!) I always love a good euphemism!

We all appreciate a clever or funny business name and now when I see one (like everyone else with a cell phone), I take a picture of the sign. Last week I took a picture of a pickup truck displaying this handy man’s business name:  Ken-Do All.   (Nice one, Ken!)  I thought, if Ken is booked up he just says, “No Ken-Do.”  So I found myself singing the old Hall and Oates classic; “I can’t go for that, no – oh –oh – No Ken-Do.”

Those in the unfortunate but necessary  “port-o-potty” business are especially inventive when it comes to catchy names for their products.  In New England, we have the infamous Blow Bros. whose portable toilets proudly state:  
 “We’re #1 in the # 2 business.”

 Honorable mentions in the category of “port-o-potty” business names go to:

“Johnny-On-The-Spot” and  “Call-A-Head”.   In addition I’m sure this company would be glad to be included in this list:  “Tanks A lot”.

 

My wife has particular aversion to hair salons with “cutesy” names, so I’m always looking for subtle, yet descriptive salon names.   Here are some examples of ones that are “punny” but would not pass the muster of acceptability (or good taste):

Sheer Lock Combs  (This could work if next door was an electrical supply company named Watts & Sons).

Curl Up and Dye  (This might be good if they were next to a skateboard shop named “Holy Rollers.”)

Would you go to either of these places to get your hair done; Turn Your Head and Coif or Cubic Hair?

I used to think myself quite clever when I suggested a good name for a take out restaurant serving cuisine from India might be; “Curry In A Hurry”.   (I soon found out that it was the name of a real restaurant!)

When it comes to fast food joints, the names tend to be more whimsical.  Here are some (real life) tasty examples of excellent fast food joint names:

Lord of the Fries (Why are all the employees young boys?)

Pita Pan (Why are all the employees young Middle Eastern boys and why is a Wendy's right next door?!)

Hindenburger  (Flame broiled Burgers). (Eat here too often and you’ll look like a …..fill in the blank.)

And my personal favorite: Eatie Gourmets.  (Owned by a guy named Steve.)

“Let’s do Chinese tonight.  Let’s try that new place…”

Moon Wok (M.J. might say; “that name is bad, it’s bad, you know it, it’s bad.”)

Wok on Water (A miraculously satisfying food experience with a great river view.)

Nin Com Soup (Right next door to Me Sew, a fabric store.)

Wok and Roll (Stir fry and sushi!)

Wok Around the Clock (Obviously, open all night.)

When I want a different breakfast cuisine I head down to:

I Feel Like Crepe (Let’s hope not, after eating there.)

For a fun night of tacos, salsa and margaritas, how about a trip to Tequila Mockingbird? (Novel idea!)

When you need a landscaping service, why not call Lawn Order? (Give Sam Waterston a call.)

When Mother’s Day rolls around, don’t hesitate to visit Florist Gump.  (Would you like a box of chocolates with your flowers?)

When you need a reputable company to clean your house or office, call the Boss:

 Spruce Spring Clean. (They arrive in a pink Cadillac with New Jersey plates.)

Need a plumber?  Give the Drain Surgeons a call. (It’s not rocket surgery!)

“Hello, I’m calling from Rex Carr’s Driving School.  I need a body shop, who do you Wreck-a-Mend?”

On the subject of cars, here’s my pick for best used car dealer name: Boris’ Car Loft. 

If I lived in San Francisco, I’d take my car to be cleaned at:

Baywash (Please don’t steal the David Hasselhoff or Pamela Anderson cardboard cut-outs.)

And how about fast food on wheels?  Here are 2 great (real life) food truck names:

Jurassic Pork.  (Try the Fred Flintstone brontosaurus ribs!)

I Dream of Weenie (“I wish there was a good place to grab a hot dog….”  Wish granted!)

There is nothing more satisfying than becoming a doctor or dentist and hanging your shingle, announcing your private practice. Locally, we have 2 dentists with great professional names.  We have both Dr. Swallow and Dr. Toothaker. 

Imagine how proud Mr. And Mrs. Patient were when their son finished Medical School and officially became, Dr. Patient! 

See you soon for some more:

Steve E. Reno